Registered: Oct 2001
Location: City by the Great Shellfish Bay
Posts: 394

HOW TO WRITE BAD FANFIC IN 10 EASY STEPS

1. Always use clich?s. Fanfic readers prefer their fiction to be comfortable and familiar. Coming up with innovative plots twists and new interpretations of the
characters only confuses them.

2. Don?t watch too many episode of the actual show. Base your fanfic on other fanfics, not the show. Remember, if you?ve actually seen the show, you might come up with fresh twist, or realistic characterizations. This would not help you achieve that derivative feel a bad fanfic writer strives for.

3. Don?t forget your best friend - Mary Sue. What could be more entertaining than having a ridiculously idealized version of the author taking center stage and elbowing everyone else out of the way. Geez, you?d think readers actually want to read about their favorite characters instead of you. Don?t listen to the critics, it?s YOUR story, make it all about YOU.

4. Exposition! If you want to advance the plot, don?t bother wasting time with character development, interior dialogue, or actually writing those pesky action scenes. Just have someone show up out of the blue and explain everything in detail. Don?t bother to create an actual character or anything. All Ms. or Mr. Exposition needs to do is pop in, say their piece and get out.

5. Ah Romance! Everyone knows that if a show has one male and one female character they should get together and live happily ever after. Forget mundane realities such as compatibility and sexual chemistry. Ignore obstacles such as the chain of command. And, if you lack any experience of your own to guide you, just have the characters act like they?re in a Harlequin novel. So what if it?s Sci-Fi actioner featuring hard-ass military personnel trying to save the galaxy, nothing is more important than their love, damnit!

6. Plotting, who needs it. Structuring a story so that it has a beginning, middle and end is just so old fashioned. Don't worry about resolving the main conflict or wrapping up any loose ends. Start to write, keep going until you get bored, then quit.

7. Series! If one story is good, than 25 are better. You don?t have to go to the trouble of thinking up a new plot for each installment. Simply change the location and the minor character?s names and have them repeat the action over and over and over again. This saves both time and effort and doesn't strain the readers' imagination.

8. Songfic! What could be more plausible than to have a 45 year old character listen to the latest crappy song from some flavor of the month boyband and muse on how it really captures the essence of his romantic situation. Sure he?s your father?s age, but that?s no reason to assume he doesn?t have the same taste in music as a 14 year old girl. Remember, song lyrics are a fine substitute for dialogue, action and/or plot.

9. Crossover! Feel free to combine your two favorite shows. It doesn?t matter if they inhabit two mutually exclusive genres (i.e. Sci-Fi/Soap Opera), or that the shows take place during different historical eras. I can't think of any reason why 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Star Trek Voyager' wouldn't be a perfect mix. So go ahead, do that 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' - 'Bugs Bunny' crossover, and don?t make it a parody!

10. Style is Everything. Be creative. Spell the character?s names differently every time, get your physical descriptions wrong (i.e. Buffy a brunette, Spike a redhead). Start the story in the present tense, then switch, without explanation, to an extended flashback. Typos, grammatical errors and run-on sentences are perfectly ok. Or, my personal favorite, never use anyone?s name during dialogue, so that it?s virtually impossible to figure out who said what. After all, you?re not getting paid for this! Readers shouldn?t expect clarity and consistency from you.

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Registered: Oct 2001
Location: Out keeping the fish in the liffy well fed
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rofl! I'll try to keep that inmind whenever I write anything.

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I'm glad I amused you. If I can prevent just one songfic my life will not have been lived in vain.

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Registered: Nov 2001
Location: Topeka, KS, USA
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LOL jojo.

here's one you can add to the list.

11. at any time pleas feel free to take a story from one fandom, search adn replace the names ane change it to another fandom. i mean we all know that there are only two real characters in existance and i see no reason why a west wing fic can't take place in cheyenne mountain and star the sg folk?

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Registered: Oct 2001
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Good one Skydiver, I wish I'd thought of that.

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Registered: Oct 2001
Location: sydney australia
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You left out the cosmic orgasm cliche

no wait that's slash isnt it?

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Registered: Nov 2001
Location: USA
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LOL JoJo....seen those in a few Fanfics.


Naive me wants to know what 'shipper' means?

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Registered: Oct 2001
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Mor a shipper is someone who believes that the characters are or should be in a relationSHIP. Hence the term shipper.

Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, they're really stretching. For example: Sam and Jack, two people with nothing in common and absolutely no chemistry, also, they'd wreck their careers. Despite the facts a lot of people seem to think that they're an ideal couple. To make it even worse a lot of fanfic writers seem to have based their characterizations on Harlequin novels. Heliopolis is full of S/J badfic. Read at your own risk.

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well, despite the fact that im rather apathetic on the issue, I wouldnt say there was nothing there, I mean theyre out there on the frontier nearly killing themselves every fortnight, and saving each others arses! quite close, even the least likely people to get together would probably have some sort of fling...you know, roll around in the mud on chulak just to get rid of that tension...in the shoulder muscles!

And all this stuff about having things in common is all bull tosh theyre both in the bleedin airforce working to save earth, have a great love for the stargate program, just cos one likes fishin and the other likes wormhole physics! sometimes, you people

of course therest he chain of command, and the rules, having said that, they are human beings, and human beings do stupid things!

However, for the sake of the show, they shouldnt get togther.

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President Doc you obviously haven't read the same fanfic I have. I think I snapped after reading one that had Jack commiting suicide because Sam married Joe.

The man didn't off himself when his son died or his wife left him. Why should he pack it in just because a co-worker (not even someone he dated) tied the knot. He wasn't suicidal when he thought he was permanently stranded on Edora. He didn't waste anytime moving in with Laira.

That and I agree with Gazmaster.

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Last edited by JoJo on 12-20-2001 at 02:15 AM

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im not talking about fan fic, im just saying that people who outright say that its not possible as theyre 'too different' or the COC is in the way, well, therye just as etched in their ways as those darned pesky shippers, I always choose the middle path, i.e, dont want them doing it on the show, but its not like it couldnt happen in real life..(I use that term lightly ) after all, theyre just human.... having said that, im just human and it never seems to happen to me

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quote:

---

Originally posted by JoJo
I think I snapped after reading one that had Jack commiting suicide because Sam married Joe.

---

Rofl! I laughed out loud when I read that! But, you hate shipper (so, you have taste) when do you read this facfic then?

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She had a compound fracture in the trunk
It started when she ran away, thumbs out on the interstate
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Registered: Oct 2001
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cosmic orgasm..? whats that?
whats an orgasm? whats cosmic damnit?!
(actually, I have a pretty good idea, I just wanted a legitimate reason for typing ORGASM!!!! , that and I wanted to start a debate on what a cosmic orgasm was... )
did I mention orgasm?!

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Registered: Oct 2001
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Here's a good article on the Chain of Command issue. Its by Janis Cortese, at http://www.sg1hc.com/dadtcoc.shtml

She makes some good points about fics. Warning, the article contains some language and is a bit graphic, it also mentions slash.

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Registered: Oct 2001
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.....Although I do take offence at songfic or filk being slammed (I happen to think it can be very funny.....

LOL.

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