AbydonianSky
You!! Off my planet!!
Registered: Sep 2002
Location: Round the twist.
Posts: 78 |
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Kenny
Dear Kenny,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa
*************
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the poops and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-butt? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and a nice Cuban cigar.
Santa
*************
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please, please, PLEASE.
Jimmy
Jimmy,
That whiney-begging stuff may work with your folks, but that crud doesn't work up here.
You're getting another sweater.
Santa
*************
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses rear-ends, and losing all my cash at the craps table.
Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Santa
*************
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Ivben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care specialist. How 'bout I send you
a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger; at
least HE can spell!
Santa
*************
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
*************
Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me.
Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle
Dear Michelle,
It blows my frigging mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of
these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game.
Let me get you something more your speed, like 'Chutes and Ladders."
Santa
*************
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some GI Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who the f*** names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
Santa
*************
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your house.
Santa
*************
Dear Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting your butt whipped at school.
Secondly, you don't live in a house. That's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams!
Santa
__________________
Earth is full. Go home.
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